Turnabout Repulsed
by Lady Ema Skye
Summary: Famous actor, Ethan Hughes, has been murdered! Can Lacy, Edwin, Att, and Deems bring the true killer to justice? General shenanigans ensue. [This is a rewrite of an Ace Attorney-spin off roleplay. The RP has since been deleted, and thus this rewrite contains significant changes from the original story.]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Edwin Case rolled up to the scene of the murder, the cool morning air still fresh. Adorning a gray hoodie, he stepped out of the car, a fresh donut in hand. Immediately, he then was met by the lead forensic officer, Cyrus Quincy.

"Ah, Detective Case! I'm glad to see you made it in fair condition." The khaki clad man greeted. "We've already began the investigation, would you fancy a look?"

"Absolutely not, I'd rather stand here and eat my donut." the detective replied, before approaching the crime scene, whilst Cyrus rolled his eyes.

And what a lovely crime scene, too; the investigation took stead in a wonderfully large and grandiose mansion – more specifically, a mansion owned by the victim's lover, Rose Sinesta. As the duo walked down the marble path leading to the front porch they marveled at the impressive lawn decorations. Flamingos, gnomes, and various stone statues littered the entire yard in a manner so chaotic it could only be considered modern art.

After a minute of walking, yes an entire minute, they arrived at the front door. Upon entering the house, if it could even be called such, they were faced with the grotesque and lifeless body. Well, that and the several forensic investigators bustling about, but they didn't stand out as much as the body.

The body rested in a pool of blood, darker than the bright red carpet underneath. The victim, Ethan Hughes, (or, the "Sirloin of The Movie Industry" as dubbed by local tabloids) was dressed in his usual attire; a pink suit spotted with black dots, resembling that of a cow. Unfortunately for him, as he likely payed hundreds for the suit, his clothing was stained a dark red (probably from the wound, but you never can tell). Then again, he was dead now, so it probably didn't matter to him too much. The bloodied weapon was still protruding out of his body, which proved to be quite a disturbing sight.

"Hey, could I get some taste tests done on the fork? I want to trace if there are any bits of steak left." After Case received a plethora of odd stares from forensic investigators, Quincy sighed, "Could we get some _forensic_ tests done on the _knife?_ We'd like to know if any _fingerprints_ can be found on it." Quincy was well too used to Case's odd "jokes" often having to follow up behind him, and now was no different.

"Hmm, what's this here?" Edwin bent over, examining a curious object lying on the ground. A similar shade of red, it blended right into the floor. A closer look revealed it was a bracelet (which was already pretty obvious) with the initials 'F.G.' etched into one of the beads, and it was soon added to the small collection of evidence.

After a few hours of searching for evidence, Edwin Case concluded his investigation of the scene. Briskly leaving the mansion, he left the lead of the forensics team curious as to why there was a half-eaten donut in one of the evidence bags.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The sun beamed through the windows into Prosecutor's Lobby #3, the day of the trial still young. After nearly forty-eight hours of interviewing witnesses and combing the crime scene, the case was finally ready to be formally presented.

Lacy Kathline, the prosecutor (or prosecutie, if you will) working the case, examined a folder that she had received earlier that morning. Its contents included info on the various people associated with the case. Although she had already met them all in person (sans the victim, who she was unable to schedule an appointment with) it was of no harm to review directly before the trial.

First, the victim, Ethan Hughes. Ethan was an extremely attractive actor, known worldwide for his atrociously awful films, such as _The Fault in Our Not Quite Stars But More Like Planets_ and _Jesuzilla_. His most devout fans sometimes referred to themselves as 'Cows,' due to his eccentric apparel. He was spending the night at his girlfriend's mansion when he was brutally murdered. Poor guy, he was about to publicly release his new book, "Guide to Milking Cows (in the Film Industry by Doing Absolutely Nothing)". It was going to be a major hit... To his public image. The book was awful.

Next, the star witness and girlfriend in question, Rose Sinesta. In her late thirties, she has already amassed millions in wealth, and owns a massive chain of supermarkets named "Rose-Mart", a very original and groundbreaking name in the business world. To add to her list of accomplishments she also has license to practice law as defense attorney, although it's almost unanimous in the legal world she merely passed on a fluke (or several well placed bribes). Thankfully, she hadn't decided to open a law firm, nor even actively practice law.

Lastly, the primary suspect, Felicity Grassman. Felicity was a personal assistant to Rose Sinesta due to the fact rose is the president of a multi-million company (hey, you're not going to get so far without rustling a few feathers). She was trained in several martial arts. In addition she possessed an above average ability to cook, which led to her position as "head chef" at the mansion (a surprisingly easy job, considering Rose usually eats out). There was a plethora of evidence stacked against her, making it a fairly open-shut case.

After Lacy had finished with her review she stood to prepare herself some tea, but before she could even take one step, a man burst through the door, followed by an older woman. The man was dressed in a ratty hoodie and jeans, whilst the much shorter female wore an oversized green sweater and a pair of dress pants.

"I just finished with the witness's pre-trial review, Lacy." Piped up the hooded man: Her partner, Detective Case

"Thank you, Detective. Do you feel prepared to testify now, Miss Sinesta?" Lacy inquired.

"Absolutely not! I would much rather be home, finding a replacement assistant. This is simply too stressful..." The stouter lady retorted.

"Hmph, I understand it's stressful. But, it is your duty to testify and bring our killer to justice. I just hope you don't perform halfheartedly upon the stand."

"I hope you'll be able to _stand_!" The detective butted in, his poor pun completely ignored by the other two.

Just how small could his intelligence really be, Lacy pondered, as she checked her watch. 11:45. The trial began at 12:00. "Hmph, anyway, the trial begins in 15 minutes. I'd recommend we make our entrance into the courtroom, lest we wish to harm our image, as well as our case." And with that she exited the lobby and began making her way to the courtroom, expecting the two to follow suit.

Naturally, that's not what Case had in mind. He followed Lacy and her witness out the door, but made a turn in the opposite direction. This scheme would _prove_ he had an amazing sense of humor!

As Rose and Lacy found themselves in the courtroom, they were only slightly surprised to find Detective Case had not accompanied them. Lacy was usually impressed he ever made it to the courtroom at all.

"Ugh, we only have ten minutes before the trial should officially begin. I simply hope that jokester shows before then, for his own sake." But, of course, that was not all Lacy was worried about. Neither the defense nor the judge have succeeded in making an appearance either. And it seemed she wasn't the only one, there were continuous glances towards the judge's chamber & the entrance.

In the meantime, it was just Lacy, Rose, and the gallery. The gallery in particular was quite the spectacle. All around there were teenagers, and even the occasional middle aged male, dressed in signature pink and black T-Shirts, graced with Ethan Hughes' atrociously ugly face (the shirts literally said "Ethan the Cow"). More so, they were all holding banners with ridiculous phrases.

"GO PROSECUTION!"

"Convict that fiend!"

"Lacy does the Job-cy!"

"Will Ethan star in the sequel of 'Murder is Meat' or will his death be a problem?"

"Justice for Ethan!"

"Make the defendant say 'MOO!'"

The gallery truly was a despicable crowd, not unlike usual. But, being annoying as the fans, if not more so, was the masses of reporters. They were all over; in the stands, on the court floor, they even flooded the entrances to get statements for anyone important who entered those doors. One was currently interviewing a teenager returning from a bathroom break, no doubt confusing him for the defense attorney. Naturally, Rose Sinesta had a huge flock of reporters surrounding her almost instantly. So many, in fact, that she needed personal crowd ofbailiffs to keep them all back, all whilst shes sat, wallowing in her pains. After that, they flocked to Prosecutor Kathline for her opinions on the trial. True to her nature, she didn't even grace them with a single response to their barrage of questions. Surely her purpose and opinions on the case were obvious, if she was the lead prosecutor. Thankfully, they soon learned better of the two, losing interest in her and Rose all together.

Fast forward a handful of minutes, the door of the judge's chamber had opened. Out stepped the esteemed judge who was to be preceding over the trial, Deems Mendel. As expected, the reporters flocked to him like ants to a lollipop. He joyfully responded to all their questions, even offering to participate in post-trial interviews and family photos. Lacy had heard of his lack of professionalism, but this was ridiculous. Did he simply have no respect for the legal world? Rationalizing the situation, she concluded it didn't matter as long as he performed his duty as judge well. This proved to be nothing but wishful thinking as soon as Deems stated he was a huge Ethan Hughes fan. In her totally professional opinion, any Ethan Hughes fan was incapable of doing _anything_ well.

After answering the reporters' questions to satisfaction, the judge reaches his chair, proudly seated high above the rest of the court... 12:05, five minutes after the trial _should have_ started. Hardly acceptable, the man should have arrived earlier. But, considering the defense wasn't here yet either-

BANG!

"COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!" Judge Mendel boomed, after slamming his gavel. "The trial of Ethan Hughes is now in session!" He stated, radiating happiness, as the gallery began to silence their chattering, and the reporters flooded off the court floor.

Lacy sighed, clearly this man wasn't very aware of what he was actually doing. "Your honor, if you haven't noticed, the defense is not present. _Surely_ you realized this before you 'started' this trial... Right?"

Deems flusteredly glanced at the defense's bench, only to find it empty. "Oh! W- well... Uh... You see... I just wanted to start the trial as soon as possible. Convicting the killer of our dearly loved Ethan Hughes must not wait! Yeah... That's it..." The judge was clearly making it all up. "Besides, it's the defense's fault they're late!"

"Well, in that case, we should simply declare the defendant guilty! Then, we can all return to doing more productive things with our lives!" Rose declared, beginning to recover to from the overload of attention.

"Hmm... I _could_ work on my tributary collage to dear Ethan if we ended now... But I was hoping to see some really awesome breakdowns-"

But, before the robed official could finish his sentence, the entrance swung open, once more. Out walked the defendant, escorted with a guard on either side, hands cuffed behind her back. Her usually perfect hair, which she typically kept in a ponytail, was let down freely, riddled with snarls. It was clear she had been crying recently, made clear by the tears that were still rolling down her face. But, her saddened face immediately lit up at the sight of the witness seated next to Lacy. "Rose! I've been worried about you..."

However, before Rose had a chance to respond, another man entered the room, following the defendant. It was Atakin Torny, Felicity's defense attorney.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The man took a seat at the defense's bench. All eyes turned to him, the trial was finally ready to begin – and with Atakin "Att" Torny, no less – a man known for his impeccable record as a defense attorney. But something was... Different. He didn't have his usual fiery face, and his hair was far messier than usual. Nevertheless, he was present, unlike Detective Case. Where _did_ he go? The trial had "begun," and he was nowhere in sight.

"Ha! See, he came just in the nick of time! I had my timing as perfect as I am!" The Judge blurted out. Ugh, what a character.

"If you're as perfect as your timing you have quite a ways to go. It's already 12:11, eleven minutes after the trial was _meant_ to start, and the attorney arrived six minutes after you did." This was undoubtedly going to be a long day.

"Well aren't you just a cup of joy? Ugh, and I could be home working on my collage of Ethan Hughes-" The judge began to respond, cutting himself off. "-Wait a minute! I have all the supplies here, I could make a collage while the trial goes on!" He began to pull out sheets of paper, scissors, glue, and not to mention an ungodly amount of tabloids featuring the actor. He really _was_ serious.

Naturally, this threw the entire courtroom into disorder, for a multitude of different reasons. He couldn't be serious. He wouldn't REALLY make a collage in the middle of a murder trial... Right?

"Judge Mendel! You can't be serious!" Cried Rose."You surely aren't this unprofessional," Lacy concurred

"Rejoice! He's one of us!" Screamed the gallery in opposition, flaunting signs with giant faces of Ethan.

"What's the big deal?! The audience totally approves!" Yelled Deems, basking in the audience's love.

Lacy sighed, once again. She _had_ to take control, before this got out of hand.

"ORDER!"

Her voice echoed all throughout the courtroom, and eyes turned to her, as the commotion died down. "Now, are we _finally_ ready to begin this trial? Or, is this courtroom such a mockery it will have to wait until a later date?"

"What?! Do you not think I'm qualified to conduct this trial?!" The judge, dropping his collage supplies, slammed his gavel down. "COURT IS NOW IN SESSION FOR THE TRIAL OF ETHA-"

"You already did that." Lacy pointed out.

"Oh, uh, right. Ummmmm, what's next?" Deems dropped his gavel, pondering what was next in a court's proceedings. "Ah, that's right! Defense, your opening statement please!"

Atakin looked at the judge, baffled. "Correct me, but isn't the prosecution supposed to give their opening statement first?"

"Oh! Right... Uh, Prosecutor..." The incompetent judge struggled, fumbling through his files for a few seconds, before finding the correct ice cream stained document. "Kathline! Prosecutor Kathline, could you please give us an opening statement?"

Finally! This trial was beginning to move along. "I would be pleased to. The defendant stabbed our dearly departed Ethan Hughes with a steak knife, until he bled to death. A truly gruesome way to die, may I add. What's more is she had complete access to all cooking utensils, seeing as she's the official cook for the manor. Her fingerprints were even found on the handle of the murder weapon. In addition, a bracelet was found on the scene which contained the defendant's initials. We may end the trial now, if you all wish. I'm sure you _all_ have better things to do." Lacy's last statement earned herself a surge of support from the gallery. There was a television tribute showing on Ethan Hughes soon, which would air his most popular movies – how could anyone possibly miss _that?!_

"Declare her guilty!"

"She obviously did it!"

"Down with the fiend!"

Deems Mendel was admittedly swayed by Lacy's opening statement as well. The more time to finish his collage the better. "Well... It does seem like the killer _is_ pretty obvious..." He was torn. His collage, or his honor? "Considering the facts, I would like to declare the defendant-" But the judge's sacrifice of honor was soon interrupted.

"YOUR HONOR!" Screamed Felicity, cutting the early verdict off "Surely you won't declare my verdict before you hear from my defense attorney. Right?" Pleading, the defendant forced herself to blow the judge a few kisses. Despite her ragged look, she still maintened much of the charm she was so well known for.

"O-oh, well..." The judge, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red, searched for words to respond with "U-uh, ummm, you see-"

"YOUR HONOR!" This time it was Rose Sinesta interjecting "Surely you're not falling for the defendant's awful attempt at flirtation. Please, just end this joke now and declare that bitch guilty!"

At this point, the Judge was stuck between two rocks. Three, if you count Lacy's icy glare, and four, if you count the gallery's breathless anticipation. Favoring the most attractive rock, he sided with the defendant. "I believe the defendant raises a very good point... I think. How could I declare a verdict before I hear from the witnesses?" Thankfully for him this garnered nods of agreement, from everyone, except... Miss Sinesta – how dare he not declare Felicity guilty before hearing any testimony! "So, uh, will the prosecution call their first witness?"

Now it was Lacy's turn to be stressed. That fool of a detective hasn't shown yet. Crap, what should she do now? "The prosecution would like to request a five minute recess to... prepare the first witness."

Now it was the judge's turn to strike. After the prosecutor had been so hard on him, he was finally on top. "A recess? Is the prosecution not prepared for this trial? Perhaps I should just declare the verdict now..." The Judge began to raise his gavel, hopefully as a crude joke. But suddenly he swung it down, ready to declare his verdict in regard to the only woman who kinda sorta flirted with him all day. "THIS COURT FINDS THE DEFENDANT NOT-"

"OBJECTION!"

Damnit, again?! Who is it _this_ time?!" Deems whined.

All eyes turned to the defendant's bench, where the sound originated from. Atakin stood "I object to a verdict! We must hear witness testimony!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

It was _that_ voice... Lacy finally figured out where that bastard of a detective went. But before she could even get a word out, the supposed defense attorney continued.

"And that witness... Would be me!" He cried, gleefully. Throwing off his suit, he revealed he was the mild mannered Detective Edwin Case all along! Strolling to the witness stand with a smile, the whole courtroom looked on with mixed emotions.

"You. Fucking. Idiot." Growled Lacy.

"Oooohhhhhhh, PLOT TWIST!" Cried Judge Mendel.

"What a poor joke." Sighed half the audience, whilst the rest fell off their seats laughing.

But, before the defendant's small tears could turn into an all out cry session, another man made his entrance... But, it was just some Ethan Hughes fan, who quickly reseated himself in the gallery.

Right behind him, however, was a much more professional looking man.

"Bravo, bravo my friend!" Said the new entrant. He had a more notable business type look, with a standard suit, his gelled black hair slicked way back.

"Ah, why thank you very much!" The detective shot back. "It's quite a treat to be graced by the presence of _the_ great defense attorney, Atakin Torny."

"Just whose side are you on, Detective Case?!" Lacy snapped, still entirely livid about the incident. "After this trial you and I are going to have a very serious discussion about your future."

Completely blowing off the threat, the detective responded with his automatic retort: bad humor. "Well, seeing as I'm at the witness stand, I don't think I'm on either side, since I'm in the middle of the courtroom. Well... actually, my left foot is facing towards the right a little, so I guess I'm _technically_ on the defense's side-"

"ENOUGH! I did not mean literally. For your own sake, I hope you're good at cooking burgers."

"Awww, spoil sport." sighed the judge "I was actually _enjoying_ his humor! In fact, Mr. Case, you should be a standup comedian! You and I could make millions as partners!"

"Oooh, you think so? You should give me a call after the trial, it's always been my dream-"

Sadly, Case was never able to finish his sentence. "Um, excuse me, but could we, uh, start the trial?" The words came from the defendant. Case almost felt felt _bad_ for her; she just looked so small and scared. A lot like how Lacy's temper made him feel sometimes...

"Ugh, but we were actually having an intelligent discussion for once!" sighed the judge "Don't you think we could continue for a few more minutes before we star-" A sharp glare from the prosecution made him change his tune entirely "I mean let's start immediately! The sooner the better! Yup, no better time than no-"

" _Now,_ your unhonarable."

"Court in now in session!... Again."

"That's the third time now. You're lucky this isn't baseball, or you would be out. What a shame for us it isn't..."

"H- hey! I'm completely professional! See, I'll even stop making my collage! That's how professional I am." The judge began to shove his supplies back into drawers willy nilly. _Anything_ to get that prosecutor off his back.

"Oh yeah, the collage you were supposed to have never even _started?_ "

"Well-"

But before Deems had a chance for another amazingly idiotic rebuttal, another cry interrupted the argument. "Please, _stop!"_ This time it came from the defendant. "Really, can we start the trial already?..." She pleaded, one more time.

"Fine! I'd much rather start the trial then talk with that _bitch!_ The only reason I haven't penalized her yet is because I'm so scared- I mean, the trial, right. Ummm, what's first? Oh yeah, the opening statemen- oh wait, we already did that... So, uh, the first witness... I guess?"

"Finally!" The detective, who had been patiently waiting at the witness stand for what seemed like ages, proclaimed. "So, uh, what should I testify about?"

"Really, Case? You know the drill, just the basics of the case." Lacy retorted.

"Right, I got this! Hmmm, let's see... Well, it was a dark and stormy night! No, really, it was; there was way too much mud when I went to investigate the scene. Or dirt at least. Have you ever seen Rose's yard? That thing is _ridiculous-"_

"Just the relevant facts, please."

"Ugh, Lacy, why are you being so _mean?_ You didn't even want to stop for breakfast this morning! Can you guys believe it?! Who _doesn't_ eat breakfast before a trial-"

" _NOW, CASE!"_

"Urk!" Case took a step back from the witness stand, almost expecting Lacy to tackle him and force the words out of his mouth. "Right, right! Just the facts, now, Case. Got it. I'll do it right now-"

Case cut himself short as soon as he noticed Lacy's death glare, aimed straight at his chest. Ouch. "ANYWAY! Um, an autopsy revealed that the victim died between nine o' five and nine fifteen, due to extreme loss of blood. We concluded this was due to the steak knife we found stabbed into his heart, unless anyone else has better ideas?" He looked around the room, expecting a clever response. All he got were bored groans and a death glare, so he continued on.

"The only fingerprints found on the knife belonged to Plantmale- I mean Grassman. And, if that wasn't incriminating enough, we also found this friendship bracelet. It was initialed FG, and contained traces of the defendant's DNA, in addition to the victim's blood, so we can safely assume that she was wearing it around the time she brutally plunged a knife into the victim's poor little heart. Somebody should have warned that poor guy about how women will only break your heart." That roused a few chuckles from the male portion of the audience, as well as sharp jabs from their significant other. But with yet _another_ death glare from Lacy, he stopped reveling in actually making people laugh for once, and moved on to the next part of his testimony, before he was tackled off the stand.

"We determined from the autopsy that the victim died almost instantly. We also assume the bracelet was unwittingly left by the defendant after the crime was committed. Investigation of other evidence also reveals somebody who visited the crime scene _loves_ donuts, and you know who else does? Me!"

Before Lacy could even say a word, Case had already pulled a box out from beneath the stand. He opened it to reveal... A bunch of t-shirts. "That's right, folks, take a stop at the Casery! It's the best bakery in town, servicing you with all your donut, cupcake, or other pastry related needs!" All the while he started tossing shirts into the audience, with the phrase "Casery, Real Pastries" plastered across the front. Generally, an audience would be appalled by this kind of behavior in a courtroom, but these _were_ Ethan Hughe's fans. They were getting free clothing! They couldn't be happier!

"Ooh! Ooh! Toss one here!" The judge waved his hands, trying to get a shirt of his own.

"Here you are, your honor!" Suddenly, an unexpected shirt came from the defense's side of the courtroom, slamming Deems right in the face. Att had his own box of shirts now, and was also tossing them around to onlookers, whilst repeating a similar phrase to Case, "Free shirts! Wave your hands if you want a free shirt! You, right there in the red, heads up!"

Okay, maybe not too similar, but still effective. The gallery was going _wild,_ almost as if they were in the crowd at a Superbowl match. Even Deems, despite the growing red mark on his cheek, was getting into the mood of it all.

Of course, not everyone was happy. Specifically, Rose & Lacy. What an atrocious display of professionalism, and at a _murder trial_ to boot! Felicity, meanwhile, had curled into a ball, and rolled underneath the bench.

But alas, despite their screaming and yelling, their voices were just lost in the roar of the crowd. Finally, when the supply of shirts was exhausted, calm settled once more in the courtroom (as well as the gallery, into their new Casery themed shirts).

"And that's the end of my testimony!" Case declared, triumphantly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Lacy was frothing over the edge at this point. Was this courtroom just an entire _joke_?! Was she the _only_ sane one here?!

" _What the hell you guys?! Do you just NOT care about ANYTHING?!"_ Lacy's icy tone and fierce words captured the attention of the entire courtroom. Several people, Judge Mendel and Case included, did nothing but shamefacedly look at their feet.

"Seriously, you people! This is a _court of law!_ This is a _murder trial!_ Literal _lives_ are on the line, and all you care about is this cheap publicity stunt?!" Lacy could not believe the complete idiocy being demonstrated. "I _demand_ a fifteen minute recess _immediately!_ When we get back, I expect everybody to have their acts together!"

Deems was so taken aback by Lacy's incredible outburst that he could do nothing but gently tap his gavel, muttering "Fine..." beneath his breath. Yeah, the court might have gotten a tinny bit out of hand, but it really wasn't that bad. What was the big deal about free T-shirts?! But, he didn't have the courage to tell her so.

The majority of the gallery had already took off, presumably to change into more appropriate clothing, lest they face the wrath of Lacy. Meanwhile, the rest of the participants stayed within the courtroom. While Deems and Att scuttled off, Lacy took board in Prosecutor Lobby #3. Case went who knows where, and Felicity was presumably still under the table.

Still steaming mad, Lacy promptly set a pot of tea heating. There was nothing she would like to do more than strangle anyone who dared to make a mockery of the court, but thankfully she had enough composure to prevent her from screaming at anyone that passed her in the hall.

After a few minutes of brooding, her tea was done. Ignoring the fact that it was still steaming hot, Lacy downed a whole cup. Almost immediately she felt much calmer (not to mention much warmer). Thank goodness her co-worker, Prosecutor Mann, always packed the Prosecutor Lobbies full with the finest teas, something she was eternally grateful for. Now _he_ was a truly respectable man, somebody who wouldn't treat the courtrooms like such a joke.

But alas, her recess had ended. Fifteen minutes had come and gone, and it was time for her to make her way back to the courtroom. Maybe everybody would actually show up, this time. Feeling much calmer, Lacy made her second entrance into the courtroom.

What she returned to, quite frankly, surprised her; Everybody was there, even Case! Most of the gallery even changed out of their shirts into something more presentable, though a fair amount of Ethan fans still littered the room. Deems actually looked serious this time around (probably largely due to the fact he had combed his hair). The reporters had even backed away from the sidelines a little. Case had also now possessed a small pink box, with the word "Casery" printed all around the side. That could only mean one thing...


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"Cupcakes!" Cried Lacy. Her only weakness: pastries. She did no less than lunge for the box, which proved to be filled with a dozen cupcakes. She wasted no time swallowing one whole. She didn't care how unprofessional she looked in the moment, she had even been known to throw away petty trials in the pursuit of pastries. She knew this was nothing but a cheap tactic by Case to put her into a good mood, but it always worked. "Thank you, Case! You got me an entire dozen this time!" Or, at least, that's why she tried to say. What actually came out was "Famph thu Kazhe! Thfo photh me na enphimph phuthem phith thinph!"

"Actually, those were to share-" Case cut himself off though, remembering consequences of separating Lacy from any "her" pastries. "Of course, I'm glad you like them. They are all yours, after all!..."

"Anyway," Lacy began with mouthful of cupcakes. "I think we should officially reconvene the trial, no?"

"Right, right! Right away!" Deems stuttered, still quite intimidated by Lacy, despite her preoccupation with her cupcake. "This court is officially back in session!" He declared, with a swing of the gavel.

"Now, Case, this time please give us an _actual_ testimony." Lacy muttered, hardly capable of speaking properly.

" _Butt_ of course!" the detective stated, jiggling his rear on the way to the witness stand. Thankfully for him, Lacy was too distracted to notice. "Anyway, my testimony. Earlier I gave a _brief_ over view of the evidence" he stated, jiggling his rear some more. "Please allow me to lay the ground work of our case against the defendant."

"As I said earlier, the defendant's bracelet was found beneath the body. This conclusively proves the defendant was near the body at some point around his death, presumably when she killed him. The victim was killed due to being stabbed, presumably by the steak knife found within his body. We also have footage of the defendant taking the weapon from the kitchen before the time of the murder."

With that, the lights in the room were dimmed, and an older television set was rolled out by a pair bailiffs. Soon, a black and white recording was displayed on the screen. It depicted a woman. who clearly resembled Felicity, in what appeared to be a kitchen. Positioned near the sink, she was washing dishes. After the small stack was diminished, she began bouncing around the kitchen, presumably putting it everything back in place. A few times during the footage she turned her back to the camera, making it difficult to see what she was doing. This went on for a couple more minutes until the footage cut off.

"Well, there you are. Video proof of her stealing the kni-"

"OBJECTION!" The cry came from the defense, Atakin Torny, who had been unusually silent up until now. "That shows nothing! Not once was she shown keeping the knife on her personage."

"Actually, Att, that's wrong. You recall when she had her back to the camera?" Case re-winded the footage up to the moment in question. "That's where the knives are kept. Needless to say, this is when she stole the knife."

"We don't know that for certain, she could of simply been placing it back where it belonged! There's no proof that she stole the knife then!"

"Actually, there is. The entire footage reel, which stretches over the entire day leading up to the murder, was carefully examined by my team. Only two people were in that room all day: the defendant and one of the maids on staff who was assisting here."

"So is it not possible it could have been the maid who stole it?"

"Absolutely not, she was nowhere near the mansion around the time of death. And she has an air tight alibi to back it up – she was volunteering at a senior home. Are you saying you think people who help our elders are _killers_ , Att?!"

"No, not at all! In fact, I volunteer at assisting homes twice as much as however long she does! But, that's aside the point. Maybe the knife didn't even come from the kitchen!"

Case had no response but forwarding the image a few seconds and pointing to a clearly empty spot on the knife rack.

"Well, maybe there was no knife to start?"

Once again, Case didn't say anything, but simply re-winded the image to a few hours before where all the knives were present.

"Well, I'm taller than you. So there."

"Is that it?"

"I also have better hair..."

"I rest my case."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

With the conclusion of Case's testimony, the gallery soon shot into conversation. "The defenses case is already falling apart! Could she really be guilty?" All the while, they stared down Felicity, like a cat eying a pile of catnip, or a particularly appealing goldfish. Felicity, of course, was not a pile of catnip nor a particularly appealing goldfish, but the gallery didn't know that.

Thankfully for the defendant, who was once again bordering on tears, Deems' gavel soon resounded throughout the courtroom.

"Order, order!" He declared, actually feeling useful for once, "If the defense has no more questions for the detective, we'll have to move on!"

"Actually," Att interrupted, "I have do have one more question for the witness. What, say ye, is this young lady's motive to commit such a heinous act? I have not heard one word on the matter!" Att stood tall and proud, as the gallery once again launched into chatter and nods of agreement.

"It's simple, really." Lacy began, taking a break from her nearly diminished box of cupcakes. "The defendant historically _despised_ Ethan Hughes. So, when the opportunity presented itself, she took him out."

"Ha! But you don't have any proof of this!"

"Well," Edwin interjected, "We have a plethora of written testimony from her co-worker's. Even on the day of the murder she was verbally dissin' him, one maid said she heard Felicity say, quote 'Ethan Hughes? More like Ethan is a Hughes loser.'"

"That doesn't even sound like an insult, just a really bad pun. Personally, I think a better insult would've been 'Ethan Hughes? More like E- _thin_ is thinner than a toothpick!'"

"No!" Deems proclaimed. "The _best_ insult is 'Ethan Hughes? More like Ethan Hughes is an amazing actor who deserves respect and admiration, much like his number one fan, honorable Judge Deems Mendel."

Deems, however, was met with nothing more than some pitying looks from everyone else.

"Fine, be that way. See how you feel when I'm the one presiding over _your_ murder trial!"

"Anyway..." The detective said, returning back to subject, "There's a substantial amount of evidence to suggest that Felicity hated Ethan Hughes through and through. Needless to say, she had more than enough motive. Any more questions?"

"Ooh, ooh, me!" Deems said, waving his hand in the air.

"Yes! You, with the black pajamas! What's your question?"

"Why did this despicable woman hate Ethan so much? The man is an artistic genius!"

"Now, that's a very interesting question. You could say it was because she had _Terrib L._ taste in _Auctorres._ Get it, get it?"

"Ohhhh, she's one of _those_ people. Yup, definitely guilty, we should end the trial now."

Despite Deems', and everyone else's, apparent understanding, Atakin was still left in confusion. "Excuse me, what?"

Deems couldn't help but return with a scoff. "Wow, you really don't know your Ethan Hughes. You know, Terrib L. Auctorre? He was always competing with Ethan to get the lead roles in various movies – and Ethan usually won! There's been a feud between the fans for years. Clearly, Felicity is a tasteless abomination who choose to side with Auctorre! Look, I even have a picture of him." Deems was soon rummaging through his desk, before he pulled out a life size picture the man he referred to, with a target haphazardly stapled over the chest. "I made it myself! It's a Terrib target – for whenever I'm feeling extra angry."

"Ohhh, him. Yeah I've known about him longer than any of you guys- wait, you actually shoot at a target of a Holywood actor?!"

" _Shoot_ at it? Now way! I just lay it out on the sidewalk, and spit on it from my apartment window!"

With awkward stares from around the room, the courtroom went silent... Except for the sound of Lacy finishing off her last cupcake, of course.

Wolfing down the last bite, apparently oblivious to whatever conversation had just taken place, she broke the silence, "So, can we call our next witness now?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Deems said. "This witness was getting kind of boring anyway."

"Excuse you, I'm the life of the party!" Case remarked, pulling handfuls of glitter and disco-themed bouncy balls out of his coat pockets, throwing the sparkly mess at the judge. "See? Life of the party!"

"Bailiff!" Deems screamed, "Get this man out of here!... So we have more room to set up a dance floor! Let's get this party started!"

"Hell yeah!" Case turned on a nearby boombox that somehow nobody hat noticed until now, blasting some dope beats. The gallery, at this point, was already all out of their seats, dropping some sick moves.

"This is a _murder_ trial!" Lacy screamed over the blaring music, trying to intervene.

"Damn right it is! I'm going to _kill_ it out on that dance floor!" Att yelled.

"Be prepared to get _daggered_ on the dance floor!" Deems snapped back.

"Oh yeah? I'm going to be a _bomb_ on the floor!" Case replied. Suddenly, the music stopped, whilst everyone glared at Case in disbelief. "Too far?..."

"Yes!" Lacy screamed, finally able to be heard. " _Now,_ can we finally return to the trial?!"

"You're just upset because you knew I was going to make you like a b-" Deems was cut short by a sharp glare from Lacy, "Err, I mean, yes! Yes, we can finally return to the trial!... Even though a dance-off would've been much more fun." He muttered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Finally willing to take the trial somewhat seriously, Deems pounded his gavel, swinging his gaze too the prosecution... Sadly, his grip was less than ideal, and the gavel flopped out of his hands, landing right on the floor. "Uh... As I was saying, may the prosecution call their next witness?" He stammered out, fumbling of his chair. He quickly picked up the gavel, dashing back up to his chair.

Rolling her eyes, Lacy continued, "Yes, the prosecution would like to call Rose Sinesta to the stand."

Rose, with a tired look on her face, approached the stand. Today she was dressed in an oversized green sweater with a new pair of blue jeans. For being a witness in such an important trial, not to mention a millionaire and successful business woman, she sure wasn't dressed for the occasion. Was this a plot hole, perhaps?

"Name, please?" Lacy requested.

"Rose Sinesta." She replied, quite snidely

"And your occupation?"

"I'm a business owner – if it's all the same to you, could we just skip this useless prattle, and get to my testimony?"

Visibly annoyed, Lacy conceded, and gave her the go ahead.

"On the night of Ethan's murder we were sharing a dinner at my house, a delicious wagyu ribeye, as it was. If I had known it would be our last dinner I wouldn't have had such an inexpensive meal..." Rose looked visibly distressed, or at least tried her best to appear so. "Anyway, after dinner we were meant to see a movie together, Ethan's latest film, in fact. But before we left I, quite sadly, had to use the bathroom – to apply some lipgloss... I brought Felicity with me to guard the door outside the bathroom... But, when I came out..." At this point, Rose was in tears. Oh, what a poor girl! "There was Ethan! What a miserable sight! If only I hadn't used to use that accursed lipgloss...!"

"That's enough, Miss Sinesta, I believe we get the idea."

"He was _dead!_ " She sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"That's such a sad story..." Deems sympathized, his eyes welling with tears.

"Hmph, that's nothing! Once, I came in second at a pie eating contest!..." Att declared triumphantly "…It was a very traumatic time in my life, actually."

"You think _second place_ is something to be depressed over, fattie?! I was only seven when my parents got divorced!" Deems retorted, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

"Oh yeah? _All_ of _my_ grandparents are dead! So there."

" _BOYS!_ " Lacy growled, "Need I remind you _once_ more this is a _murder_ trial?!"

"Righteo!" Case interjected, waving about his right hand, "Besides, I win the prize for most depressing backstory: I'm Lacy's partner!"

"Damn, you're right." Deems muttered under his breath, Att following up with a "He's good."

"My boyfriend was murdered right in my own house…" Rose continued, still sobbing.

"Oh, yeah. That." Att stammered, remembering this was still a murder trial. "Anyway, time for my cross-examination, right?"

"No, left-" Case began, waving around his left hand, before Lacy sharply jabbed his side. "I mean, yup, go right ahead. Don't mind me!"

"Alright then. Miss Sinesta, you say on the night of the murder you were having 'delicious steak', correct?"

"Ummm, yes..."

"Hah, a contradiction! How can this possibly be true when _I_ wasn't the one cooking your dinner that night?! What do you say to _that?_ "

"What?"

"That's right! How could you have possibly been eating a 'delicious steak' when I wasn't the one preparing it?! I asked the defendant to cook me some steak-"

"You never asked-"

"-And I can objectively conclude that I feel her steak tastes like trash compared to mine!"

"What-"

But the audience was already abuzz.

"Woah, good one!"

"That is very convincing..."

"Oh snap, talk about a come-back!"

"Order, order!" The judge bellowed, slamming his gavel. "There is only one way to settle this," he began "...With a cook-off, right here, right now!"

And the audience was back.

"Yeah!"

"My money is on the hot one!"

"Mommy, can we go home?"

"Oooooor," Rose interrupted, "we don't, and never mention it again."

"Wow, that's a compelling argument." Deems concluded, "Fine, we'll do it your way: We'll have a bake-off! Best batch of cookies wins the trial!"

"How about we do none of those things, and continue the trial." Lacy interjected, slowly becoming fed-up, again.

"Ugh, fine. What a stale-cookie you are." The judge pouted, "You may continue your cross-examination, defense..."

"I only have one more question," Att began, "How fast can you use the bathroom? Because I bet I can go faster."

"And that's the end of my testimony, folks!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"Well then." Lacy concluded, "Sounds like a pretty damning testimony. I think we're _finally_ ready to end this trial."

"Well..." Deems began, desperately wanting to return home, but also not wanting to let Lacy have her way, "I mean, I guess we _could._ If the defense doesn't have any witnesses that is." Attempting to inconspicuously wink at Att, he very clearly signaled his hopes to everyone.

"Umm... Yes! I totally have one more witness! I have the best witness too, in fact! So good, that my witness, who is better than any of the prosecution's witnesses, will end this trial all on their own! Yup, I definitely have the absolute best witnesses-"

"Atakin!" Lacy snapped, "Just call the witness already."

"Oh, yup, I got a witness. And their name is..." He scanned the room, looking for somebody to call as a witness, "Felicity Grassman! Yup, my secret witness who I totally planned calling on this whole time!"

"Very well. Please take the stand then, Miss Grassman." Deems ordered, giving her a conspicuously flirtatious wink.

"B-but, Att, you didn't tell me-" Felicity began to stammer.

"Tell you that I won first place on my high school's track team? You're absolutely right, and I apologize for that. Now, just take the stand."

"But Att!-"

"Take the stand _now,_ lest you wish to ruin my recor- I mean spend your life in prison _."_

Intimidated, Felicity sulkingly approached the witness' stand.

"Now, Miss Grassman, please testify to the court. Or to me, about how amazing I am-" Deems cut himself short, remembering Lacy continued to exist,

"Umm, sure..." Confused, Felicity looked expectantly at Atakin, who returned nothing but a confident smile. "Uhhh, well, I'm Felicity Grassman. I'm Miss Sinesta's personal assistant, slash personal chef, I guess. On the night of that scoundrel's death-"

"Your honor, she _just_ called the victim a scoundrel!" Lacy interrupted, "It's becoming increasingly harder to say that she could be anything _but_ Hughe's cold-hearted killer!"

"I guess, but she's so adorable..." Deems fawned, "Er, I mean, yeah, you're right! But, we should let her finish her testimony, because... It's the right thing to do?" He looked to Att for approval, but he was hardly paying attention, instead opting to examine a medal that had appeared from... Somewhere. Did he just have that in his pocket this whole time? "Uh, yeah, because it's the right thing to do! Continue on, Miss Grassman."

"Ummm, yeah. So, on the night Ethan died I was cooking some steak. During dinner Rose was acting a little bit odd, but I guess it was just stress. Anyways, dinner was good, I think... Uh, afterward, um... They were going to go see a movie!... I think. But Rose had to use the bathroom, for, y'know, lipgloss 'n stuff, so she had me come stand outside the door. To guard it or something, I guess. We let Ethan wait in the front, while Rose and I went down the hallway... She was in there a really long time too, but I stayed there the whole time. Yeah. Anyway, when we got back, Ethan was..." Felicity began to tear up. Not quite Rose-level sobbing, but enough to make an onlooker feel at least a little sorry for her. "Dead. Ethan was _dead."_

"Well, folks," Att began nonchalantly, returning his attention, "From the sounds of it, she sounds pretty innocent to me! I guess that settles it – she didn't do it, find yourself a new suspect! You did great, Felicity, come on down."

"Not so fast, Mr. Torny. I believe I do have the right to question the witness." Lacy interjected.

"Oh, come on, her testimony was perfect. What possible problem could you have with it – she was crying and everything!"

"Yeah, Miss Prosecutor-Lady! Just look at how cute she is, what problems could there possibly be?!" Deems added

"Miss Sinesta was also crying, and you also felt the need to ask her ridiculous questions. So, if I may." Giving her attention to the witness, she continued. "Miss Grassman, you stayed outside the bathroom the entire time? You didn't leave your post once?"

"Uhhh, yeah... I stayed there the whole time."

"In that case I'm sure you won't mind explaining how _this_ was found near the victim's body, no?" Producing a small plastic bag, she passed it off to Felicity... It contained her bracelet, still coated in the victim's blood.

"Oh, uh, well..." Felicity stammered, struggling for words, "Um, I guess I dropped it earlier?"

"Oh, is that so? I'm sure that's why it was close enough to the exact place the victim died to be covered in his blood, right?"

"I swear, it must have just slipped off! Oh god, they're going to say I'm guilty, aren't they?" At this point Felicity's eyes were filled with tears, coming to the realization that she could quite possibly be found guilty, and locked away forever. "I-I guess I did sneak away once... But it was only for a minute, I swear!"

"Oh, really? You're saying you _lied?_ Care to tell us more about your little fib?"

"Well, Rose was in the bathroom for a really long time! I thought maybe I could sneak away, and just talk to Ethan for a little bit... But I didn't kill him, I swear!"

"Felicity!" Att barked, "You didn't tell me about this! Why would you have even been speaking to Ethan at all?!"

"I just wanted to talk to him! He stole the lead away from Actorre on yet another movie, and I just wanted to discuss it with him a little!" Felicity spurted, cowering in fear. It seemed everyone was mad at her... Except for the judge, but his creepy looks weren't making her feel any better. "We just yelled at each other, and then I went back! But I really didn't kill him!"

"Oh, you poor thing!" Deems cooed, "How dare that mean, nasty Ethan yell at you. What a terrible man!"

"Your Unhonorable!" Lacy snapped, "Stop your useless attempts to flirt with the witness, I beg of you – It wasn't even an hour ago when you were fawning over Ethan himself!"

"Men can change, Lacy! Especially if there's an adorable murder suspect involved..." Deems continued, staring adoringly at Felicity, who could do nothing more than try to avoid eye contact.

"Anyway, ladies and gentleman," Att began, "I think we can safely conclude that I, Atakin T. Torny, the best prosecutor in the nation, has won this trial, no? I think we're all ready to hear the 'Not Guilty' verdict now, your honor."

"Absolutely not!" Lacy protested, "Felicity has proved nothing with this testimony – it's nothing more than baseless conjecture! On our side we have evidence, and her own testimony, placing her at the scene directly before the murder; not to mention a motive. All you have is her silly little promises!"

"Excuse you, prosecutor. They're not _silly_ little promises – they're _hilarious_ little promises! Besides, she's innocent – she said so herself, so it must be true!"

"I'm sorry, but unless you can provide _actual_ evidence I'll have to demand we end this trial now. Your Unhonorable!"

Ugh. Now it was Deems turn to protest – he _really_ didn't want to let Lacy win this trial... Even though she was kind of attractive. Wait, if he let her win, would she go out with him... "Uhhhh, yeah, Mr. Atakin! If you don't have any more evidence I'll have to end this trial now. Yup, end it, and the let the prosecution win." At this point, Deems was trying to give Lacy some flirtatious winks, but he succeeded in nothing more than making himself look like an idiot. Not too far off from usual.

"Your honor, wait!" Att demurred, the wheels in his head beginning to spin. He was starting to form a new thought – albeit, a very poor one, but enough to buy some time. He was billing by the hour, after all, the longer he kept this going, the more dough he got. "I would like to call _one_ more witness!"

"Ughhhh, fine." The judge returned, "Who is it? Come on already – I just want to get home and watch some... woman's wrestling. Yes, that's it... Woman's wrestling."

"My final witness, ladies and gentlemen of the court, my final witness – the best witness, the witness who will end this trial, the gold standard of witnessing-"

"Just get on with it!"

"Rose Sinesta! I want to call Rose Sinesta back to the stand!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Sir!" Rose challenged, "I've already been on the stand, please just let this farce end already! We all know you're just stalling so you can bill more time – the author just told us about it!"

"How dare you! I would never do that – I'm stalling so I can bill more time _and_ save my client. Now, would you please just take the stand?"

"Fine – but only because I want this to end at some point. I _do_ have a multi-million dollar company to run, thank you very much." Rose advanced towards the stand, once more; prepared to give a conclusive testimony, finally ending this trial (and this vastly overdone story). "Come on, now. I don't have all day, ask your questions and get this over with."

"Um, Felicity said you were in the bathroom, correct?"

"Yes, and so have I. What are you trying to do – prove you're a creep?"

"No ma'am – in fact, I've even won a medal for 'Most Leastest Creepy,' but that's aside the point. So, how long were you in the bathroom?"

"Objection!" Lacy cried, "Your Unhonorable, what could this possibly have to do with the case? This is nothing more than useless prattle!"

"Uh, well, Lacy, you see…" The truth was Deems was actually somewhat intrigued himself, not that he wanted to admit that. "Um, why don't we let him ask a few more questions – he might be going somewhere with this!.. I think."

"Indeed I am, sir! Now, would you answer the question, Miss Sinesta – How long were you in the bathroom?"

"I don't know, maybe three minutes, I guess. I don't time these things – really, what would it even matter?"

"Oh, really? just three minutes? Certainly it would have to been a much longer period if my client supposedly had enough time to murder someone, no?"

"Okay, maybe it was five. Are we done here?"

"U-uh, a-a-actually…" Felicity stammered, cowering behind Att's large, bulky figure, "It was a-actually about twenty minutes…"

"Oh yeah, really? _Twenty_ minutes? And just where are you getting this information – your ass?"

"W-well, I w-was t-timing it…"

"Why on earth would you be timing it?!"

"J-just, you were in there for a _really_ long time… I was getting worried-"

"Well, folks," Att interrupted, "I guess we'll have to postpone this trial for a later date, until we can decide this conclusively."

"As if!" Lacy scoffed, "I can have Case find the answer to your question in five minutes flat – the author doesn't know how to continue the plot, so he can grant Case with the information he needs, through no easily explainable fashion."

"Ugh, fine. Go ahead and do that, ruin my plans! Stupid Ema…"

"Case!" Lacy slapped the detective, who was stooped over in his chair, eyes shut. And with that, he was off.

And so they sat out the five minutes, waiting in silence for Case's return. Rose brooded at the witness stand, whilst Deems tried to make some flirtatious remarks (which were aptly ignored). Lacy and Att, on the other hand, spent their time snidely staring at eachother – Lacy with a sneer, and Att with a smug(ish) grin.

And then the silence was broken. Case burst back through the courtroom doors, carrying a small slip of paper.

" _Eye_ got it" He declared, pointing to his eyes. Taking the stand, shoving Rose aside, he waved about his paper. " _Eye_ did it, you guys! According to the extremely untalented author, Rose was in there approximately twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds."

"Ha!" Att smirked, "So Felicity _was_ right!"

"Congratulations, o' great attorney, Atakin Torny! You figured out I was applying lip gloss for a whole twenty-two minutes! You may take your medal now, sir." Rose remarked, quite sarcastically.

"So, what exactly is this supposed to prove, Mr. Torny?" Lacy further inquired.

And, honestly, Att didn't really know. He was just stalling for time, and his theory seemed so ridiculous that he shuddered at the thought of pursuing it… Then again, the trial was almost over, and his near-perfect record was on the line (not that perfect, actually, he only won about 60% of his cases. But, his ego was too big to admit that to himself). He had no choice! "That's exactly my point – the witness was in there for twenty-two minutes!"

"Yes, we _just_ concluded that, so what?"

"So what? So what?! What normal person needs that long to put on some lip gloss?!" Case's hand shot up, and retreated just as quickly when Lacy looked at him. "Nobody, that's who. In fact, I bet you weren't even putting on lip gloss at all!"

Looking around expectantly, the gallery just pelted him with stares of confusion, accompanied by an exasperated sigh from Lacy.

"Honestly, I was really expecting a big gasp right there."

"What does it matter? Whether I was putting on lip gloss, or using the shower, what does it matter?"

"Fantastic question! Let me paint a picture for you, ladies and gentlemen. Imagine you are a millionaire, and you just ate a steak dinner with your unexplainably popular boyfriend, prepared by your own chef slash personal assistant-"

"We all know who you're talking about-"

"-Upon finishing the meal, you prepare to go see your unexplainably popular boyfriend's new movie. But the movie is to begin airing shortly, so you must make haste. Quickly you and your personal chef slash personal assistant rush off to the powder room, to apply a little lip gloss. Now, tell me, if you truly intended to go see your unexplainably popular boyfriend's latest movie, which was to begin airing in a matter of minutes, would spend eighteen minutes putting on lip gloss?!"

Once again, the only one to raise their hand was Case, who retreated again, before Lacy could see him.

"Yes, we understand your narrative, Att." Rose coldly replied. "What exactly are you trying to say here?"

"I think we both know, Miss Sinesta."

"Good because I don't." Deems cheerily interrupted, oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

"Well, allow me to explain, then. Rose never had any intention of going to that movie with Ethan. In fact, she only had intention to _murder_ him!"

This time the entire audience… Did nothing but pelt him with confused stares, accompanied by an exasperated sigh from Lacy.

"Once again, I was _really_ expecting a big gasp there."

"That's a just baseless accusation. You have no evidence one way or another, and I find it outrageous you would even suggest such an idea. If we're done with the theatrics now, I think I'll take my leave. This trial is long over."

"Not so fast, I'm not done yet! As I was saying – you had no intention of seeing Ethan's movie, you had only planned to end his life. You only went to 'apply lip gloss' as a cover for your nefarious schemes. You even brought Felicity along to confirm your alibi. But you also knew Felicity couldn't deny herself the opportunity to confront Ethan. So, as soon as she left her post, you snuck out right behind her. Then, as soon as she was gone, you sneaked upon Ethan, and plunged that knife into his heart! As soon as the deed was done, you accessed a nearby air-vent, climbing all the way back into the bathroom, where you once again exited, nobody being the wiser. _You,_ Miss Sinesta, are the true killer!"

 _This_ time the entire audience… Did nothing but pelt him with confused stares, accompanied by an exasperated sigh from Lacy.

"Guys, you _really_ need to gasp when I say cool things like that. ' _You,_ Miss Sinesta, are the true killer!' Come one, what more do you need here?!"

"Once again, that's nothing more than baseless accusations. I'm appalled you haven't been suspended yet, with practices like these."

"Oh, but I _do_ have evidence! The weapon itself!"

"Oh yeah? The knife that Felicity stole from my kitchen? Good luck with that one!"

"Actually, I don't believe Felicity did steal the knife. And I can prove it-"

"Oh yeah, can you? How, run some tests on it and see if there's any leftover steak on it?"

"Well, I was going to suggest the more practical idea of doing some DNA exams, but I like your solution better. Yeah, let's do that."

" _Lacy!_ " Rose whined, "You have to stop this – it's ridiculous!"

"But why?" Lacy inquired, in response. "If you're innocent, you should have nothing to fear – it will only strengthen the case against Felicity."

"But _Lacy!"_ She continued to protest. "This is ridiculous. You can't possibly expect anything to come from this!"

"Oh please, stop your sniveling. This will take no more than an hour, and we'll be over and done with." Lacy, then, giving her attention to Att, "But, do bear in mind, Mr. Torny, that if we don't get anything from these tests that _will_ be the end of the trial. Over. Done. Felicity is guilty. Understand?"

Att gulped. Everything relied on this tangent that he began on a whim – a woman's life could be decided through one moment of foolishness. "But of course, Dear Lacy. But of course! I know what I'm doing, I'm nothing more than the best defense attorney in the nation!"

"It's agreed then. If we don't find any traces of Rose's DNA on the murder weapon, then Felicity will receive a 'Guilty' verdict."

"Um, excuse me," Deems began, "but I think I should really be the one to decide that-"

"No, absolutely not, Your Unhonorable. You've done nothing but be a hindrance to this trial, and I rather we exclude your opinion unless absolutely necessary."

"But I'm the _Judge!_ "

"Do I look like I care? Now, if you please, we have a trial to conduct here. Case, order the reports!"

"You _goat_ it!" Said Case (who had, unfortunately, been ignored by the author for far too long), leading a goat into the courtroom.

"Really, Edwin?"

"Yes, now excuse me, I have calls to make." Letting the goat lay down next to him, Case whipped out his cell-phone, and made the call to forensics. "They'll have analysis done within the hour." He declared, hanging his phone up. "All that's left to do now is wait. So, if _ewe_ will excuse me, I'll be hanging out with my goat." He declared, laying down, resting his head on his goat (who, through some odd mishap, was not a sheep).


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"So, uh, how are you guys doing?" Deems asked, nervously. He was worried about making Lacy any more mad than she already was, and it seemed that his breathing alone would trigger her.

"Awful, considering you're still here."

"Well, _excuse_ me. I can't help it that I'm so amazing."

"Pffft, _you're_ amazing?" Att interjected, "I'm like, twice, if not thrice as amazing!"

"As if! You're just a boring defense attorney, while I'm the judge – King of the Courtroom!" Of course, he didn't mention the bit about how Lacy wouldn't ever let him _do_ anything – he didn't need to bring that part to attention.

"King of the Courtroom? More like King of Not Being as Amazing as Att."

"Ooh, you want to go there? I'll have you know a local newspaper once called me 'amazingly inept.' So, uh, yeah, I think I know what I'm talking about."

"I think they may have been saying you're an idiot..."

"Hmph, as if! They said 'amazingly' and everything. You're just jealous you're not as great as I am."

"Ugh, fine. Why don't we settle this like men? A contest to see which one of us is more amazing."

"Oho, a rock-paper-scissors tournament? You're on!"

"Uh, no, I meant an intense round of thumb wrestling, but your idea is good too."

"It's settled then! A rock-paper-scissors tournament to see which one of us is the most amazing. Who else is competing?"

Deems looked around the room, expecting to see surges of hands. But, most of the gallery had left, and those who haven't seemed to be sleeping. Case, however, was eager to join in, dragging a reluctant Lacy behind him.

"Just us four, then?" Deems balked, disappointed.

"I would be happy to step out, especially if it would make you even more miserable."

"No way, Lacy." Case objected, "You have to compete – how else are we going to find out who the most amazing is?"

"By not finding out at all, and realizing that this silly little contest won't determine anything of actual substance?"

"No can do – we're having a rock-paper-scissors contest." Att intervened. "We'll do two matches, winner against winner for the final – best out of three."

"Fine." Deems agreed. "But I get to go against Lacy first. It's bout time I show her what a _real_ man looks like."

"Certainly not like you." Lacy retorted.

"Oooh, that's it. You're going to lose so badly."

"Well, you kids have fun." Case encouraged, as he and Att stepped aside to have their match.

With a sigh, Lacy prepared herself. She honestly couldn't care less about this childish competition – it was nothing more than a waste of her time.

"Ready?!" Deems demanded. "Go! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

As Deems swung his hand down, he kept it as fist. But, Lacy, on the other hand (heh, get it? Man, I'm worse than Case...) formed her hand into a pair of scissors. "Ha, I win!" Deems declared. "Just one more, and I'll be on my way to champion!"

"Sure, okay. C'mon, let's finish already."

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Deems, once again, formed a rock. Lacy, however, turned her hand into paper.

"Ugh, fine, so you might have won _that_ one, but I'll win the last one!"

"Sure, whatever."

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" Deems, thinking himself a genius, went with scissors this time. Lacy, of course, actually being a genius, went with rock.

"Well, looks like I win. Great."

"That's only because you cheated! Nobody ever said you were allowed to be smarter than me." Deems stubbornly replied, hands on his hips.

"Okay, fine. Why don't you just move on instead, anything so I don't have to continue this buffoonery."

Deems, wary to accept any sort of goodwill from Lacy, even if was due to her own apathy, reluctantly accepted her invitation. "Fine, I'm claiming this as a win for myself. It's not my fault you cheated."

Att, meanwhile, marches away from Case, triumphant. Holding three fingers in the air, he boomed "And I win all three! Ready to go, Lacy?"

"No. I don't want to participate anymore. You and Deems can knock yourselves out."

"Oh, I see it is. No fear – there's no shame in losing to me, you would not have been the first."

"Yes, that's exactly it. I was worried I might lose to you at rock-paper-scissors."

"It's okay, I know." Att replied, ignorant of Lacy's sarcasm. "Well, Deems, ready to face your defeat?"

"Not a chance. The only defeat I'm ready to face is _yours_!" he proclaimed, readying himself to bring Att to his knees.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

But, before either had a chance to viciously slaughter the other in a brutal game of rock, paper, scissors, the courtroom doors smashed open.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

The doors slammed open, and there stood a shorter man, adorning a lab coat, holding a file. Marching to the middle of the court, he announced his purpose, "It is I, Paul Everyman, the great intern from IT! I have come to bless with my presence, and impart this wisdom upon you!" Throwing the file at Deems, he marched back out... Only to pop his head back in a second later, "Uh, just to clarify, forensics wanted me to run these papers over here – they're the results from your test."

"Oh, great. Of course he had to come _right_ before I clobber your ass!"

"Tsh, as if. You'd have lost and you know it, you should be thanking him." Att snarkily replied, snatching the file away from Deems.

"Hey!"

"Now, let's see what it says!" Removing the papers, he glanced over them, before once again addressing the courtroom. "Um, I can totally understand what this all means, and I'd love to tell you, but I think Prosecutor Kathline should have the honors here." He said, sheepishly handing the papers off.

Taking the file with a mocking sneer, she interpreted the information for the courtroom. "It says here that there _was_ DNA found on the knife. And, forensics was able to conclusively prove it belonged to..."

"Ethan!" Case shouted out, only to receive a backhand from Lacy.

"No, there's traces of DNA that belong to.. Rose Sinesta. It says here that it covered the weapon, proving conclusively she had substantial contact with the knife."

The gallery gasped, accompanied by an exasperated sigh from Att.

"Ugh, of _course_ you'll gasp when _she_ says it. Ugh, I bet it's because she's a girl..."

Rose, however, paying attention to the more crucial matter, addressed the actual content, "B- but that can't be! You have no evidence! No Proof! This is all just baseless conjecture! Accusations! Assumptions! You can't possibly believe this utter nonsense!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Sinesta, but it seems you are our true killer."

" _But that can't beeeeee-"_ She screeched, her voice echoing throughout the courtroom. She began to violently shake, falling to the ground. But still, her screaming didn't stop. On she went, until she finally trailed off, and her body was left limp on the floor.

Soon, the courtroom floor was abuzz with personal. Medical officers to make sure she was okay, bailiffs to assure that she was properly apprehended, and any other members that one could possibly need. Within minutes, she was transported out of the courtroom, still unconscious.

"I guess that means I win, again!" Att declared triumphantly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Att paraded around the courtroom, flaunting his 'victory,' whilst everyone else watched in disgust, still reeling from Rose's reaction

Felicity, meanwhile, had once again hid under the table. She didn't quite understand everything that was going on, she got freaked out as soon as that stunningly average intern delivered the file, and forgot to pay attention since. The commotion quieting down (sans Att's gloating), she creeped back out, "S-s-so, uh, w-what just h-happened...?"

"It seems your attorney has somehow just proven your innocence." Lacy answered, her tone emotionless (if not with a scent of coldness). "It appears as if this trial has finally come to a close. If you will, Your Unhonorable."

"Uh, right! Let's see here, how do I do it..." Digging through his drawers, he pulled out his 'How to Be a Judge 101' guidebook. Flipping through the pages, he found the passage he was looking for. "Ah, I think I got this..." Trying a practice swing or two, he finally swung his gavel down, announcing "This court finds the defendant, Felicity Grassman, _Not Guilty!_ "

Of course, his amazing proclamation was drowned out by Att's chants of "I'm the winner, I'm the winner!" But still, the effect was the same. Felicity was found not guilty!

Standing in the middle of the courtroom, Felicity watched as the courtroom erupted. Granted, a fair number were still adorning signs with messages like 'Burn the witch!' and 'Honestly, I'm rather disappointed with the outcome, but this is your opinion, and I respect that.' But still, about half were excited for her verdict! Accompanied with uplifting screams, and confetti being tossed to chants of "Confetti, confetti!" she couldn't have been happier... Well, it'd also be nice if nobody was throwing rotten fruit, but you can only hope for so much.

Lacy, meanwhile, had already left. She's lost enough trials to know how the rest of the act played out. Reporters would swarm the floor, the gallery would turn into chaos, and the defense celebrated their victory. She knew it all – she's been there before.

And, quite honestly, it was nothing more than a mockery of the system. The courts are places for serious debates, for honest opinions – not for the media to turn the entire building into a circus. But, if that's the price she had to pay for justice, she'd pay it any day. She wouldn't trade her job for anything.

 **THE END.**


End file.
